Well, I have managed to fast all day today and I think i am going to fast all day tomorrow too. I need to get all this guilt out of me. I really think I can fast, I won't be seeing my boyfriend so he won't be pushing me to shove fat down my throat. My parents don't give a shit. My dad is too high and my step mom works too much. My brothers don't pay attention. Sometimes I'm thankful for a dysfunctional family, as fucked up as that sounds.
I cut last night, pretty deep cuts, they are going to take forever to heal. I can't let Kevin see them, he would kill me. Or break up with me again. I love him but I can't see this working out unless I get better. I'm such a burden to him, he says I'm not but I know I am. He gets so pissed when i cut.
But that doesn't really matter too much right now. I managed to fast and I'm going to continue tomorrow. I'm just going to try to take this one day at a time rather than planning for a whole week. Tomorrow I will plan my intake and exercise for the next day and so on. I hope I can manage to be less of a failure.
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