I cry even as I type. When will this end? Its always the same. Either I'm filled with self loathing and disgust, sadness, anger, depression, all directed towards myself.. Or I feel nothing at all. Just this all consuming nothing, which makes me want to cut and hurt myself more. I can't stop, no matter how hard I try. I have no one to turn to. There is Kevin, as I have mentioned in other posts but he is high as fuck right now and probably wouldn't give a shit about me anyways. Who could?
I'm such a fucked up mess. And apparently fuck is the word of the night... I'm sorry, for all the cussing. I'm just so sick of crying. This pain and sadness, this nothingness. Yet, I can't make it stop. No matter how hard I try. I'm really alone. Despite my allusions of friends and Kevin. I can never really turn to them like I need to. There is only the readers of this blog, and that helps...more than I thought it would. It doesn't stop me from feeling the way I do but writing this stuff down keeps me a little more sane than I would be otherwise.
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