I was going to go to the river today with a couple friends. I would have been a third wheel as they are dating and that is the excuse I gave them... really, I was just feeling really fat. My thighs looked waaay to big to me today so I told them to have fun and went for a walk. I haven't eaten anything all day so far and I hope to keep it that way.
I just felt so crappy about myself today.
I kept staring at y thighs....
"too big. too ugly. fat, fat, fat."
Constantly running through my mind. I'm so sick of looking at my fat, I need to be thin and perfect. I need to lose. I have been staying in control and I'm terrified to lose it. I'm too afraid to even take a bite of something low cal otherwise I'll go on a huge binge.
I'm going to exercise a little later today for an hour or so. For some reason my mind is going crazy. I need to burn cals and I need to keep focused on my goal. I don't know what is causing this restlessness in me. It worries me a bit because it causes me to lose sleep and makes me want to cut. This itch just under the surface makes it almost unbearable.
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