Exhausted. Had a hard time getting out of bed today but I'm up and I weighed myself. I have let myself go quite a bit since my boyfriend was here and I have to hide this shit from him. The day he left I was a disgusting 127 pounds. It's been about a week and I am at a slightly less disgusting 122.2 pounds. I weighed myself and today can be a happy day since it is a pound lower than yesterday. I want to reach 115 by my birthday which is on the 12th of this month. Not sure how realistic that is but I have lost at a good steady pace so far. I just hope I can keep it up. Willpower. That's all I need. I need willpower and so far I have that. I will be visiting my boyfriend next month too. I'll have to do all the exercising and restricting I can before I visit. I want to be skinnier for him. I want him to see how beautiful I can be if I just work hard enough at it. I want to look in the mirror and be satisfied with what I see and not scramble through my purse looking for the thing that will make me perfect only to find nothing. I want to enjoy walking out somewhere and not worry about the way my ass looks in my jeans or whether other people notice my huge thighs and ugly upper arms. I want to be comfortable with myself. Confident enough to wear what I think is cute and good looking rather than just wearing what I think hides the most of me. Sorry this turned into a bit of a rant but I needed to get it out I suppose.