My Horizontal Life (If you get the chance, read the book, its funny)

This is so crazy, I am such an idiot. Want to know what I did last night? Well, even if you don't, I'm going to tell you anyways. I had sex with my ex boyfriend, Kevin. Twice. After going on a date with Bret (his name is now deemed Brexton for my amusement). Can you say "WHORE?" I guess this is a good time to mention I actually managed to get things right with Brexton and he was sympathetic and understanding. Then I screw it up again.

Well, the date with Brexton was a complete bust anyways. The movie we were going to see, ended up being shown at a later time and neither of us wanted to watch it that late, so we went to get smoothies instead. Things seemed to be going pretty smooth despite my nervousness, then half an hour into it, he abruptly stands up and says he has to go. Without any other explanation, he walks away. Haven't heard from him since.

I was feeling pretty insecure, my hopes were high for this date and I felt completely let down. I'm almost certain he lost interest in me. I felt so ugly and unattractive, not to mention, stupid. I was ditched in a city that I didn't even live in (we live in different towns about half an hour apart from each other) with no ride back home. He was going to give me a ride. So, with no one else to turn to, I call my ex who comes and gives me a ride. we stop by his house because I had stuff of mine there that I wanted back. Well he grabbed me and kissed me, I pushed him away but he was a bit persistent and I admit, I wasn't completely against it.

I have this irritating thing where I need attention to feel good about myself, especially guy attention. If I don't have a guy that gives me attention, I feel even worse about myself than usual. So now, for punishment, I have decided to fast from today all the way to Monday and I hate to admit it, but I have been cutting myself in punishment as well. I deserve it.

Well, to explain my title, the book, My Horizontal Life is an amusing book by Chelsea Handler. Its about this woman who has a ton of one night stands with a ton of different guys. I feel like the crazy psycho version of her. She was smarter, however. SHE didn't fuck people she actually knew! It causes waaay less drama when you have sex with random strangers. Too bad I'm too freaked out to do that. I think I'm just going to try to cut guys out of my life for a while. I'm done, with all the drama they cause... now lets see if I can actually stick with that.