lalalalala

Well here I am again. 1 am and still unable to sleep. I find it doesn't bug me half as much as it used to. This is the time my mind winds up doing its most interesting ramblings. I just can't seem to turn it off. I even got a burst of energy and danced randomly to 4 or 5 of Lady Gaga's songs... I'm usually not into that kind of music but I like her ha ha.. It did burn calories however and made me feel a little more like myself. More than I have in days. I really do need to remember to stop and enjoy the little things... even if it is dancing randomly at 1 in the morning. I even went out for a walk and sat on the beach for a little by myself. It is the most peaceful place to be. Hearing the waves, seeing the moon, having your toes in the sand. I love it. I prefer it at night, nobody is ever there and it can really put things into perspective for a person. I'm rambling.. but I can't sleep and I need something to do. I promise to add a couple pics of thinspo so its not a complete waste of your time to read this post :)

Well my dad is still in rehab, he doesn't seem to want to talk to me though. I try to call or text and he always gets off right away. Could it be guilt? Is he really just too busy? Or is he trying to move away from me and the rest of the family? I can't help but continue worrying about it. I don't want him to revert back to where he was before.

I'm also slightly worried that Kevin might be cheating.. There is this girl in his sculpture class that he claims to hate but he brings her up so often.. He trash talks her but he used to do that to another girl that used to hang out with our group of friends and he ended up cheating on me with her. This new girl, he says she hits on him all the time, he calls her disgusting, but she is really pretty and skinny, she is the model he is supposed to be sculpting.. and today he let slip that he texted her. Only to tell her that he can't make it to tutor her in sculpting but...still... how did he get her number? I'm probably being really paranoid and stupid but we didn't fight or anything until he started mentioning her. I don't really knoe what to think so I'm sort of on my toes with that.

In other news, I think I did ok today food wise. I'm going to fast tomorrow, I can't wait. I really
can't wait to feel that empty feeling. Ok done with the ramblings, here is that thinspo I promised.